Sunday, January 19, 2020

My Life with CFS

I was active as a child, teen and young adult.  I played softball, did dance, performed in school plays, and was very active in church.  As a young adult, i volunteered at my church working with teens.  I have co-directed VBS, organised church wide events, and have create a children's programs. I have supervised lock ins, car washes, and youth retreats.   I did this while working full time, going to school part time, and even working 2 jobs. So to say the least, I have always been a person who stayed busy with life and I loved every minute of it.   Then in 2003 I developed an upper respiratory infection and was out of work for a week.  Later in that week, I received a phone call that a family member was ill and may not make it through the weekend.   Despite being sick, my mother and I drove 12 hours to be with family.  We stayed at the hospital for several more hours.  Thus, we were without sleep for like 36 hours straight.  When I finally got to bed, I literally felt something "switch" in my body.  I cannot explain it fully but I did feel something odd.  I told myself that I was going to pay for this.  I never knew it would be for a life time.  After returning home( the family member survived and was able to go home...she died 6 months later), I continued to be sick.  I had lost all energy.  I keep getting reoccurring infections and my energy level was at an all time low.  My doctor performed all types of test to see why I was continually getting infections.   Every test came back negative.   Finally,  after a year of reoccurring infections and lack of energy, the dr said that I may have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  At first I thought YES I have an answer, but that was short lived when I was told there was NO treatment for this.  My dr prescribed an anti-depressant that was supposed to help with fatigue and B-12 shots to help as well. They helped for awhile but I never felt like I had the energy that I should.  I did everything I could to get better.  I took medicines, rested, had the pastor lay hands on me but all to no avail.  In 2005 I decided to resign my position in the church.  I could no  longer be dependable to assist with the youth.  It was a hard decision but I did not have the energy to teach and participate in all the activities that we provided to the children.  After resigning my position, I quit attending church all together.  It was not that I no longer trusted God.  It was that I had no energy to get ready in the mornings.  In 2008 I was hospitalized due to severe high blood pressure.  Due to the trauma of that week, I developed Fibromyalgia.  It mainly affected my legs.  I cannot stand or walk long distances without feeling weak or hurting.  It took its toll on my job and in March of 2010 I had to resign from my job.  I am now on disability.   It has been a hard road but I have been blessed with a supportive and awesome husband that tries so hard to make life easier for me.
My days are less active than in my younger days.  I have to pace myself to keep from crashing.  Most days are spent on the couch.  However, I am trying to regain some strength.  I am trying to live healthier.  I am trying to make the most out this situation.  It has definitely brought me closer to God. I have learned to trust Him more.  I miss my old body.  I miss my active days.  I am looking for ways to make me feel better. I keep trusting and believing that God has a purpose for allowing me to go through this.

Here I go AGAIN!!

I understand many of you will think I am just weak bc I am not losing weight or sticking with a plan. To be honest, I probably am weak. Last year God revealed a lot of hurt and trauma I needed to let go before I could concentrate on healthy eating. Praise God He broke chains off of me and my relationship with food has changed. I have started MyFitnessPal again and in 2 weeks Ive lost 2lbs and my blood sugars have greatly improved.  I do not obsesse over food like I have done in the past. Plus, this time I have a good friend that is doing it with me. Is my eating perfect? No! Do I still have bad days? Yes! Every person has some sort of weakness and mine is food but it wont stop me from pursuing a healthy lifestyle. Will I ever get to a healthy weight? I dont know. What I do know is God has a plan and purpose for my life and I want to accomplish what He has called me to do. I appreciate all your encouragement and support.


Tuesday, October 22, 2019


Hey!! I know its been awhile since my last post. Thanks for sticking around. I have been talking to God about my food issues. At first it was God take my food issues away. Help me resist temptation. Give me strength for this diet. But, God gently began showing me that before I can concentrate on how to lose weight I must confront the WHY I am overweight to begin with.  I mean I need to know the WHY I went to food. What were those triggers? As I have been pondering, God is revealing patterns and the reasons behind those self destructive patterns. As God begins showing me, Ive been allowing Him to heal and restore. My mindset about food is changing. My anxiety around food is decreasing. Im confident that over the course of time I will begin to lose weight again. I believe God is doing a great work in my inner man. I wish I was eloquent in my writings so I can fully express my heart. I covet your support and encouragement. I know I cannot do this alone.


Sunday, September 22, 2019

Scarred-Book Review

Tess does a brilliant job delving into the different ways a person can be scarred. Trey and Autumn are best friends but both want more. Yet, because of their scarred pasts, they are hesitant to reveal their true selves.  Only after some coaxing from friends do the duo begin to think about exposing themselves. Scarred is a feel good heart warming tale of love. Mix in a few twists and a side of suspense and you have the perfect weekend novel. Although its an 8 in a series, it can be read as a stand alone.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019


I have done nothing towards my goals. I am very disappointed in myself. Also, I have gained all but 10lbs of what I lost last year. I have come to the conculsion I need outside help.  I am not sure where to go or who to contact but I will research it.  I will keep you posted on what I find.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.


Sunday, July 7, 2019

My 3 goals

Happy July,
I have been thinking about what goals I want to accomplish. It was hard coming up with just 3 because there is so much I want to change in my life. I want to grow not just physically(healthier) but spiritually and emotionally as well. I want to be my best version of me as I can be. So below are the goals I have set my mind too...

1) because I want to increase my understanding of the Bible, I am going to take an Online Bible Study. Its free and at your own pace. I want to commit to doing at least 3 lessons a week. There are 160 lessons in the entire course,  I think.

2) I am a procrastinator by heart. Couple that with my lack of energy, it creates a messy house. I want to commit to 1 hour(15 minute intervels) of cleaning, tidying or organizing 3x a week. I hate a dirty house and so does my hubby.

3) I have always been told we need sunshine. So, I want to commit to sitting outside(its not direct sunlight...that would be too much for me) or at least opening my blinds when the weather is hot(Im extremely sensitive to heat) at least 3x a week for at least 15 minutes. Now in the cooler weather I may be able to do it more.

I am fully aware that due to my illness I may fail some weeks. However, I would love if one of you would like to keep me accountable.  I will appreciate any positive support.

Did you set any goals? I would love to hear.

Your friend

Saturday, June 29, 2019

6 months

The last 6 months have been a flop or so it seems. I am determined that the following 6 months be productive. I am going to set goals, realistic goals.  I will put every effort to stay focused and not get distracted. I will learn to prioritize. I will learn to say no, mostly to myself. So for the next week I will make 3 goals for the next 6 months. I do not want to overwhelm myself with too many things or else none may be achieved.

So, who wants to set 3 goals for the next 6 months?? If you are comfortable doing so, share them in the comments. I will share mine next weekend.

Enjoy your Saturday and stay safe.


My Life with CFS

I was active as a child, teen and young adult.  I played softball, did dance, performed in school plays, and was very active in churc...